You know that feeling. The one where everyone annoys you? Even the cat gets on your nerves from time to time. But you can’t tell if it’s you or them making you angry. You know, I thought these pills were supposed to make things  better, but they’ve really just made things worse. Sometimes I feel like their a placebo, like someone is striving to make me think they’re fucking with me. 

My thoughts are literally all over the place. I’d love to tell Jordan what’s going on in this box I get stuck in, but I’m afraid he’ll think I’m crazy. 

I honestly had one of the most terrifying experiences of my life last night. I was driving around 11 ish, and I felt like someone was watching me. Which is impossible considering I’m going 100 km/h on the highway. But then I looked in the mirror, and sure enough I caught a glimpse of someone in the back fucking seat. I almost peed. Of course there was no one there, but now I’m seeing things again. Not the best combination. I was just starting to get my life back, too. 

Forget about everything, just for one day. Forget about what she did to you, forget about all the people waiting on you. Please, just this once. Spend the day with me and only me. Put you’re phone away, don’t check facebook, be with me. I want you to be able to do things like that. Things like being completely comfortable around me. You don’t have to work so hard to try to impress me. The little things you do already have me mesmerized with you. And I know about Jill, you’ve told me many times. I’m not afraid of you seeing her, you can talk to her all you want. The only thing I’m afraid of is that you’ll start missing her, what happens to me then?

I know I haven’t held up my end, and I’m sorry about that. But I promise, as long as you keep trying, I will.